Supervisor Knaff and Archivist Kakyoin both sit at opposite ends of the table.
Interview S69/EX, Audio Log.
Important definitions:
S. Knaff = Supervisor Knaff.
A. Kakyoin = Archivist Kakyoin.
Levi = Leviathan.
Being Log.
S. Knaff: You know what brings you here, Kakyoin.
A. Kakyoin: I genuinely have no fucking clue what you're on about.
Both sit quietly for a period of 10 seconds.
S. Knaff: Don't even try to play dumb. Yes, you do Kakyoin, you definitely do. Why did you try to fight Levi using a toothbrush? Come on Kakyoin, a fucking toothbrush!
A. Kakyoin: Dental hygiene is important, you know.
S. Knaff: Are you even picking up what I'm saying?
After Knaff's response, 5 seconds of dead silence.
S. Knaff: What the fuck? Are you actually insane? You literally tried to attack an omnipotent god utilizing something smaller than your arm. My superiors won't like this at all, Kakyoin.
A. Kakyoin: I woke up in the morning, wondering what could I do on this fine day. And you know what? The last time I saw Levi in my dreams his teeth were a piss-stained yellow. This could be the beginning of some nasty gum disease, I don't want my boy to have dental issues, buddy. Wait, thinking about it, I should've used Colgate, I mean, 9 out of 10 dentists recommend it.
S. Knaff: You were born in Florida and it shows.
A. Kakyoin: You see Knaff… Oh sorry, King-Consul-Emperor Supervisorinator Knaff. Do you want to have gum disease? Of course not! Dumbass! Levi is a living creature, just like you and me. I think it'd be in both of our best interests to avoid an omnipotent god with dental issues, what if he hates going to the dentist? He's probably busy killing UNCB operatives. Think Knaff, Think!
S. Knaff: Kakyoin.
S. Knaff slams the table with full intensity. Breaking it in half. should've used some flex tape A. Kakyoin is not permitted to edit this recording.
S. Knaff: I cannot fucking TAKE THIS ANYMORE, KAKYOIN! I'M PUTTING YOU IN PRITORIA-INDEX 5 DUTY, AND I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FUCK WHAT YOU HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT.
Kakyoin nearly spoke up again, but was quickly interrupted.
S. Knaff: I'M NOT DONE. YOU-
The next 2 minutes and 15 seconds of the audio log were cut for the preservation of the listeners' mental and physical health.
A. Kakyoin: Your mother is already a Pritoria-Index 5 beast. Oh god, please dear god I don't want to think about that.
S. Knaff: Are you just under the damn influence? Are you Kakyoin?
A. Kakyoin: Almond Beer.
Yet another 5 seconds of ear-wrenching silence.
A. Kakyoin: You seem mad. Mad? Mad, Knaff? Mad?
S. Knaff: … I'm honestly done with you Kakyoin. Get him out of here, the farther away you go the better.
A. Kakyoin: Why? I mean, sure. I may have caused the death of multiple UNCB employees situated in the perimeter near the estimated location of Levi. Nothing much really, I think this is an overreaction. Go back to writing CSS code or whatever.
S. Knaff: Oh god, DO NOT BRING CSS UP AGAIN, ALRIGHT KAKYOIN? I ALMOST WENT FUCKING INSANE TRYING TO CENTER THAT TEXT INSIDE THE CONTAINER. DON'T EVEN START TALKING ABOUT THE MOBILE SUPPORT.
A. Kakyoin: Branch Coordinator Vizlox made the database structure anyways. Also, you keep rambling about stupid politics in the archives chat. If you were occupying yourself with higher intellectual thinking, maybe you would understand why I did what I did.
S. Knaff: I can't, I'm having a mental breakdown.
A. Kakyoin: Do you know the definition of insanity? saying the same shit over and-
S. Knaff: You're going to Brazil.
A. Kakyoin: What are you trying to insinuate about Brazil?
S. Knaff: What? Aren't you Floridian?
A. Kakyoin: Listen closely, Knaff. I am going to paint this goddamn interview room with your blood after I blow your brains out. YOU KNOW VERY WELL I DON'T APPRECIATE JOKES ABOUT BRAZIL, BUDDY.
S. Knaff: Yeah, whatever, stay mad. Security team, get this man the hell out of here and get him working again while you're at it.
Mumbles are heard in the background, presumedly directed at S. Knaff.
S. Knaff: Eh, whatever. As long as he keeps up working I don't really mind. He's autistic for a reason, after all, he's an archivist.