Another article. Hopefully this one redeems my past failure which was the sinking hospital.
Anyways, I am rewriting my old stuff and bad stuff.
This is a pretty big leap in what I usually write.
As always, any feedback would be appreciated.
Crit from Bluetang's Rock and Bloof
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/971155650304413726/1027057346461040731/crit_bermuda_bloof.jpg
I’ll eventually be returning back to this, when I’m less busy with schoolwork.
Hey that only took like two months not bad 👍
Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks
It's laughable how short this article is.
(and thats the best part. +1)
Thank you to Almarduk,
BetterMyButter,
DrainedWell,
knafflad and
Twhalliiiii for crit.
Been thinking about this. In rewrite I think I will remove it from Thalasso. I feel as though at the time I kinda forced it to be a Thalasso article.
A rewrite so far would be a tale of someone who sought refuge in a hospital limspace(threshold maybe?) but through some meshing of limspaces, the hospital was plunged into an endless ocean. The wanderer would document their struggles and encounters before eventually leaving the notes in the hands of their rescuers.
As for pressure, I do take it into consideration for other articles but in this one I wanted the ocean to be timeless and unchanging. Keeping at the same pressure and color.
I feel like it would make more sense if this was a solitary limspace and not part of Thalasso. If it was solitary, it could take place in an ocean that is infinitely large both horizontally and vertically, which would result in equal pressure everywhere, I think.
But since it's Thalasso, that means there's presumably a surface to the ocean, which means there can't be equal pressure.
Cool ideas! I would like to hear more about "time sinking" into the depths, and I think the article could greatly benefit from expanding that idea in a few creative ways.
Also, I see an inherent problem with endlessly sinking that kinda makes the whole thing collapse for me: water pressure. If the hospital is indeed sinking forever, would it not simply be crushed by the unfathomable PSI? It breaks my immersion! What happens when you reach PSI that would compress the molecular structure of water into a plasma? Would you sink until you hit "heavy" water that's been compressed into a solid structure by nothing but its own weight? How is the inside of the hospital pressurized if areas of it have indeed succumbed to the pressure and have taken on water?
Don't get me wrong, the idea of endlessly sinking is very cool. My first instinct is to go full science-brained on it though, and it falls apart under scrutiny.
Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks
You made the archives feel alive when we have spent years detailing worlds that are dead. This is the spark I wish to achieve in my own work, and you handled a character I dreamed up with so much care and love. I’m humbled and very happy and this article was a joy to read from start to finish.
Walk tall, I have a feeling this entry will inspire a lot of our authors :D
Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks
Damn, this is the sort of thing I've been really thirsting to see done with the universe since day 1. Thank you.
I understand completely what you mean. That is why the first step is removing the history section.
Next, I need to take apart the document and rewrite it into a tale. Perhaps someone from within the hospital struggling to survive.
Thanks for reading!
This is a very enjoyable concept and aesthetic shining through a poor delivery. From the prose itself to the introduction of lore I would change pretty much everything, but the contents themselves I wouldn't.
Especially the way the story at the end is delivered feels clunky and antitonal. It's written far too straightforwardly and densely where the vagueness of the rest of the article is a far better fit. Most elements from it you could take out and incorporate as descriptions of the environment, leaving only a short, sweet core to sell the concept so much better.
It is a delightful read in spite of its flaws.
Novoting. The idea is beautiful and the tone is fitting, but it goes too far to the purple side to really sell its story. At times it indulges in silly concepts like the Jingles and Jangles and at times it has grand things like the Ensemble and the remnants of the valley — both of these would be perfectly fine in isolation but the way they're described next to each other feels like a jarring change in tone. It wouldn't take much to smooth out the transition, frankly.
Everything here was an enjoyable here until the very end to the warning notice. I did not like the lore implications and general attitude implied to the Archives. The collection of items didn't feel like it added much either (especially that Castilian document) but it's more like dead weight than an active drawback.
That said, I very much liked the aesthetic, and the vague sort of environmental storytelling is something we could use much more of. Good stuff.
There is a good story here under a thick cover of poor prose, dialogue and pacing. I feel like there's little detail put into the environments and sensations of the protagonist and the old man in the hospital, which are vital to strengthening the emotional core of the story. There's not even a decent sense of why the protagonist is there, both in a direct sense (why they're exploring this building) and in an indirect sense (why they're in this world, doing these things).
That said, there's a good enough core that I did enjoy reading this. It just needs a bit more refinement of the craft behind it.
fucking little small bitch, i want to squeeze it till it pops
+1
Thank you to Almarduk,
Ascriber,
BetterMyButter,
Bloof,
Worm that Walks and
Sariastuff for helping me to put this guide together.
Portions of this writing guide are based on the RPC Writers' Guide, written primarily by DrPierson,
Sinaticus,
Croal and
Von Pincier.
As of June 2022, Liminal Archives is no longer accepting new members to the site or Discord.
This means you cannot join unless personally invited by a writer already in the community. However, you may also be granted access to the community by messaging a staff member a completed draft you have written on our sandbox site.
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We hope to encourage all of our members a productive time during this slow period, and we apologize for any inconvenience!
Thank you to Drjemin for letting me adapt his formatting guide for LA!
That's a huge relief- I'm glad that this will be improved. This is a very solid foundation to build from :)
