I must say this is so eloquently put. It somehow brought long dormant feelings within for the derelict and abandoned, and absorbed me to it like water to a sponge… not the most eloquent myself. At least it excited me to write proper application text haha
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in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Jennifer Lives A Normal Life
Got an idea here but it doesn't have charm. It is an exposition about our character, Jennifer, and we gather a few traits about her such as how she views the world, maturity, her routine, and her hardiness. However, we do not have a reason to care about her nor her routine.
The routine is spruced up with some clever similes, metaphors, and the like. However, it lacks presence. Surely at this point in the routine, Jennifer could describe the aroma of her coffee each day much better than not at all. What is so great about the aroma that it pushes her to get up? Is it a brief escape from the toiling life through sunny pasture?
It may be intentionally robotic if you are intending on going the route of taking a cog out of a machine and spinning it down a hill. However, you must keep in mind, this is the introduction, the place where you need to hook your readers. Make us care about Jennifer, add intrigue, do something more than just the routine. Even if it is a normal/regular life, there is bound to be something unique about it that readers can latch onto. Every life is unique.
The only real source of conflict immediately apparent is the breakup with Leon, and that is a good chunk of the way through the section. Perhaps find a way to introduce it sooner. Maybe Jennifer wakes up and recognizes the room feels larger or that something has been missing for a while.
This page gets more downvotes than it deserves.
GREAT question.
The answer lies in the half shitpost nature of this article. It’s just as wonderful as it is ridiculous.
Glad you enjoyed =)
Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks
Good article, but why is entity number listed as "Bear"
Admin-Nerd
in discussion Writing / Drafts » [LIMSPACE IDEA] - The Underside
Sorry I got confused I meant that entities in general could silence speakers.
Admin-Nerd
in discussion Hidden / Per page discussions » Blue Static America
If you end up in Alaska can you go to any of the other US states? I'm asking because Alaska isn't next to any other US states.
Admin-Nerd
Hands down my favorite system.
I remember reading ig back in 2023. To this days is one of my favourite articles on this site.
in discussion Writing / Drafts » [LIMSPACE IDEA] - The Underside
In my opinion this is a pretty solid idea. However, I would have speakers announcing the final score of a match between two teams in a distorted voice. Maybe the Nomad could cause nearby speakers too go silent?
Admin-Nerd
Will appreciate if the article is a bit longer and have more in-depth explanation.
miaou mrew moew je suis un chat :3
Wow, what a great read! It kept me interested from start to finish. I love how you went in depth into life in the Crimson System. At the same time, this is my favorite characterization of the Liminal Archivists ever.
Wow this was absolutely phenomenal I was hoked from the start. This story is the best thing you ever wrote. It has great pacing and some of the most interesting characters to follow. It might sound wreid but every sentence was put perfectly on its place. It was just beautiful.
Thank you for writing it.
Beautiful
I see a common theme for Thalasso pages: protagonist growth and deep personal exploration. The system works as a perfect vessel for the Coming to Age story, and Echoes and Light delves into this with a character you might not expect — showing us the other side of the coin; how for every legendary hero, there's a broken parent with an empty nest — and even features a nice old man who could be Uncle Iroh in the flesh. This page sheds light on a sad fact. We see the enigmatic and ever-present Call represents two things: the marvellous summons to greatness, but also its shadow: the opposite ripples of fate which cause loss and heartbreak to those left behind.
It's a good page! I hope Orion can find peace :3
Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks
-1
Its dumb. Not the best. Mayby discusting but very surreal which is something I like.
Its simple but I love it. Lovely page
This was very smart. I like it.
+1
I really appreciate that Nate, thanks for the kudos :D
Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks
page revision: 0, last edited: 25 Dec 2020 03:09