The Valhalla Dancehall / Discussion

This is the discussion related to the wiki page The Valhalla Dancehall.

Fortunae 30 May 2023 00:30

Special thanks to Ascriber and Vizlox for their crit. It has greatly imrpvoed the article and made it at least in some degree of a presentable state, even if no one reads it!

+1

knafflad 30 May 2023 04:57

Oh, how exquisite…

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Knafflad - Ohmeghon - Nostworks

-1

Worm that Walks 03 Jun 2023 18:49

This is a post which is trying to do a lot of interesting things, but I don’t think is quite there yet. Right now it kinda reads like a rough draft, with a lot of strange constructions and features. For instance, this sentence:

The Dancehall constructs itself to seemingly recall distant memories from the happiest time in one’s life, yet also the most unattainable.

The way you construct “yet” and the overall structure is just really weird and confusing. There’s a ton more examples of places where the prose just feels off

There’s also a problem of tone, where you seem to be bouncing between a more clinical tone and a more poetic tone, where I think you do a good job synthesizing them into one thing in some places, but in others, especially near the beginning, the tone just feels super oddly disconnected from the rest. I get that it’s intentional to an extent, but it just draws me out of the article

Also you forgot to remove the system stuff at the bottom

MF_TOMB 07 Jun 2023 11:26

Article Rating

Presentation	3/5	Presentation does what it needs to do. The quotes are a little garish, as the attribution is almost as long and longer than the quote itself, which looks dumb. Image is good.
Interaction	3/5	It leans too much into mystery and mythology for there to be anything tangible for the audience to… chew on? I’m not sure how helpful that comment is. It’s just I feel like I know more than I would like to know about the “incest-ridden communities” than the subject of the article.
Pritoria Index	2/5	Not sure. What’s the takeaway? Because if the subject itself is so mysterious and obfuscated by dramatic language, then there’s nothing for me as a reader to think about. It doesn’t seem like a human wrote it. That isn’t bad, but consider that the reader is more often than not, human, and that middleman narrator helps us relate to the setting.
-	-	I did not enjoy reading this. I didn’t hate it, but I also know that “novoting” does less than nothing. -1.

Worm that Walks 12 Sep 2023 02:52

Adding onto this because I reread this article, I think that this article has so much poetic purple fluff for something which really doesn't deserve it, and I don't think that the prose itself is good enough to justify itself. It just reads a little tedious and pretentious atm.