LA Horror contest draft

Summary:

looking for eyeballs

LA Horror contest draft

ham_fm 12 May 2022 20:30

Still a skeleton but it will be fleshed out

http://liminal-sandbox.wikidot.com/pixelatedharmony

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Such is life in the Soviet Union

Re: LA Horror contest draft

ieatcrepes 13 May 2022 02:28

+ show block

In the entity classification table, the dark blue is very hard to make out. Consider changing "Depending" to "Depends".

presumably candle wax.

I know this is assumed, but it might be better to make the prepositional phrase "made of" explicit here.


Behaviors section has some great ideas, will be finished imo with punctuation and syntax.

Makes little shrines in the spaces it occupies of things watching things, not related to who it is watching just all about eyes and watching

It's a little hard to make out what this is saying in its current state.


I like the personal testimony in italics at the end of the Behaviors section.

There's only ever been one case of someone dying that was dead-to-rights dealing with being watched.

I feel that this sentence is a bit clunky and I'm not sure what is meant by the hyphenated phrase's placement. Maybe include the word "indirectly" somewheres in there.

Psychologically, surviving can come down to being able to acknowledge reality. You're not just being paranoid. Someone, or in this case something, is watching you right now.

This is fucked up in a great way.

Luddite

Great word use. May want to footnote that for some, just a thought.

peeping tom

Should this be capitalized?


The sentence the above two are included in runs on a bit.

to end up suffering from defenestration

This is worded awkwardly; one is likely to be defenestrated. The way it stands makes it seem like a medical ailment lol.

This hits creepy in all the right places. Will think of this next time I lose my phone, which is always; same as everybody. Great, spooky, and inspiring piece!