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Parmesan Fields / Discussion
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Not a huge fan of the language throughout the article. It was a bit of a turn-off at first, and over time I was hoping it would be more charming, but it eventually was just sort of grating. I think if the language was toned down a little, it'd be a bit easier to read. It comes across as more of a gimmick than a level.
Back when I first crited it I said that it was a unique level. Now that it's posted… I can say the same thing! The Cheese Level is truly unique in its story telling and almost rumor-like writing.
So +1!
the decimals in the BFI table feel redundant, just round down or up
im a signature
Using the word "mockeries" in two sentences, one directly after another, is repetitive. Changing either sentence will fix this.
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Using the word "mockeries" in two sentences in a row, is repetitive. Re-wording either sentence would fix that.
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gosh dangit, site wasn't showing the first comment I made until I posted the second time, so I thought it didn't go through…..
odd
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The sheer whimsy on display here powers through a lot of the issues other people have noted at least for this reader. Great work Egg, I love the Cheese Place.
Such is life in the Soviet Union
I'm not a fan of incorporating story-like writing into a descriptive article. The constant trying to immerse the reader with aromas and feelings of fear interrupts the "know-how", and I think it might be better to ditch the flowery stuff and stick to informative writing.
/forum/t-14599919/parmesan-fields#post-