Echoing most of Knaff's thoughts, but the use of author avatars is just far too much for me. I have to appreciate the massive gall you guys had in trying that out — it's pretty fucking daring, especially for a contest.
The story is massively campy and a little hard to read at times, but I can't shake off my mind just how ballsy the entire thing is. If nothing else, it paints a very good picture about the authors.
I'm going to be downvoting this, but don't let that keep you guys down. There's plenty of potential here.