I like this! The way the narrative is presented is a little awkward, and I think the properties of the Threshold could be better elaborated upon, but overall — good article.
Cult of Finis Mortis / Discussion
Forum
» Hidden / Per page discussions
» Cult of Finis Mortis
This is the discussion related to the wiki page Cult of Finis Mortis.
After SPaG fixes, this article is pretty interesting. I don't typically enjoy backrooms articles because they merely exist without stories. Of course that is the nature of the backrooms wiki, things existing because we-don't-fucking-know why, but I believe this is among the things this site needs to overcome in order to truly flourish.
What's being documented in this article has a reason to exist, that is a large part of what makes an article good. Too often do writers write things that merely exist with the escape-hatch of "it's not supposed to have an origin" and then not realize it's a pile of garbage.1 Articles that use that escape-hatch fall flat because their narratives, if they exist, do not use the ambiguity of the object's origin as a premise for its appeal, instead using it as a hand to wave off legitimate major critique.
Let this article serve as an example for how to integrate a reason to exist into an article: A threshold has properties which dilate time proportional to the amount of energy being released within it. Someone or something detonated a thermonuclear bomb inside of it. A neat premise, yes, but on top of it exists a narrative of how the nuke got there, and how societies surrounding the threshold reacted to it and exploited it throughout history. A great article. Now imagine that this article was entirely composed of just the premise. No story, just a boring observation. That is the situation I see a lot of Backrooms and Liminal Spaces articles have. Integrate actual narratives, actual reasons to exist in your articles, for the love of God.
Here are my pieces of critique for this article in particular:
- I feel that the article would be a lot more developed if you included transcripts of the Point Lux society's beliefs, like journal entries showing their ideologies and/or recorded speeches by rulers assuring people of the validity of their pursuit. Without that I feel like this article is incomplete.
- You told me you made this article in 2 hours. That's a level of neglect so large it manifests in its numerous SPaG errors and its lack of a feeling of completeness with regards to my crit in #1. Spend more time on your articles. Polish them out. They're supposed to be here for years, if a person uninvolved with this site stumbles upon your article its your job to represent the site with your article. That means you have to really spend time making sure it's the most compelling read you can make it.
- Here:
As of now, T#2 is inaccessible. Those who enter will be vaporised instantly by the nuclear blast.
How could we possibly know of the existence of T#2 and its properties if nobody who has ever gone there came back? Maybe I'm missing something but this feels like a plot hole.
+1. Great article. Should integrate my crit to make it an outstanding article. Again, let this article serve as an example for how to make an article worth reading, specifically by giving it a reason to exist.
Footnotes
1. Keep in mind I'm talking about the general anomalous writing community, not simply the Backrooms or Liminal Archives.
How could we possibly know of the existence of T#2 and its properties if nobody who has ever gone there came back? Maybe I'm missing something but this feels like a plot hole.
I'll make sure to include photographs of the cult documents and maybe some voice recordings to explain how we know about the strange features of T#2. The critique you provided is in depth, effective and very helpful. I'll be sure to include it at the crack of dawn tomorrow.
This article is really awesome. The format works really well and the plot is super engaging. Overall it didn't have many SPAG errors but a lot of the lines feel a bit awkward.
50km2
This can be a proper exponent if you do 50km2 (50km^^2^^)
That lasted only a few seconds for them, and resulted in a jump in time that took them forward forty years.
Generally and without outside interference, the energy released within T#2's boundaries is steady; T#2 elapses time 6.541 times faster than baseline reality relative to Earth.
It is estimated that one of these bonfires could increase the time dilation as much as 36 times faster than baseline reality relative to Earth.
increasing the ratio to such an extent that 10 days of baseline reality elapsed every minute within T#2.
These lines are confusing because they convey the opposite of what is intended. They make it seem like events inside T#2 occur quickly when viewed from baseline, which is incorrect. Suggested rewrites:
Generally and without outside interference, the energy released within T#2's boundaries is steady; for each second that passes within T#2, 6.541 seconds pass outside it.
It is estimated that one of these bonfires could increase the time dilation as much as 36 times.
increasing the ratio to such an extent that for each second that passes within T#2, 2 hours pass outside it.
/forum/t-13962384/cult-of-finis-mortis#post-